New Adventures

I seriously love life. So many painful things and hurtful people try to get us down, yet it is still lovely.

I've lost a lot of people in my life. The reasons usually involve that other person and I wanting to go different ways with our lives. It hurts when someone wants to live a completely different lifestyle. It kills to watch them walk away. You know what though? It's gonna keep happening. All we can do is love each person in our life and they decide what they want to do with theirs.

I have to be honest - I could really care less if I have another friend. I have one pretty close friend and I have people in my life who I can talk to and hang out with and all that stuff, but I don't have that intimate relationship with another person. The kind of relationship where both know everything about the other. The reason why I could care less is because friends leave when they feel it's time to. There's nothing necessarily wrong with that, but it just happens. Eventually you come to this point in your journey where there's a fork in the road - you want to go one way and your friend wants to go the other. I mean it's just a part of life.

I could be wrong about this whole friends thing. Especially since the people I've told say that they value friendships. I can't help but feel like I'm missing something. Yet still, the desire to open myself up to someone who will most likely walk away is just not there.

Who I do want is my husband. Not some boyfriend - but the man who will stay. The two of us will walk together on this journey, and when we come to forks in the road, we'll both go the same way - even if there are disagreements about it. On our wedding day we're pledging to walk on the same path, through thick and thin.

So I guess my prayer to God has been that I don't need any more friends, I just want my husband.

But in the meantime, I am enjoying the life I have.

I'm twenty. I'm single. I have a part-time job. I have so many opportunities ahead of me.

And I'm going to take advantage of each one.

Training to be an office counselor for Alternatives has been like stepping into a dream come true. I've been volunteering there for two years, and my desire during this time was to actually be in action - stepping into the darkness and bringing light to these women. Loving them extravagantly where they are. This is my passion. I'm learning how to be a light in the darkness. I'm learning how to listen to the brokenhearted. I will be noticing the unnoticed, giving a voice to the voiceless, a name to the nameless and a face to the faceless. This has been my heart's biggest desire, and watching God unfold it like a precious gift right before my eyes has been incredible. I've already learned so much and I still have much more to learn.

Then getting to be president of the Alternatives on campus. I know that I'm where I need to be, and it's such a freeing and simply great feeling. I'll only be going to school part-time, and one of my classes is online, but still, I know I'm going to be used wherever I am. I know I can love whether I'm sitting in class, sitting at a display table, or sitting in a coffee shop doing my homework. Love has no boundaries or barriers. If it does, we've placed them there and we aren't truly loving.

You know, and because there is no one to tie me down, I can travel. This has always been such a huge desire of mine. I love seeing the world. Going places I've never been, that is always exciting. So for either winter or spring break, I'm trying to plan a trip to Utah (I know, real exciting). I met some amazing people in a small town there and I would love to just go visit them for a bit. Next summer, my friend and I want to take a road trip to Napa Valley and then drive down to San Diego, just so we can see it. Just because we can.

Eventually I will go to Boston. Past eventually, I'll visit the places outside of the U.S. that I'd absolutely love to see.


This is life folks. It's meant to be lived fully.

And that is exactly what I plan on doing. And you know what? I feel like I am living it up.

I love this life.

--Peace and Love.

How I Feel

I wanna start it over
I wanna start again
I wanna new beginning
One without any end
I feel it inside
Calling out to me

It's a voice that whispers my name
It's a kiss without any shame
Something beautiful
Like a song that stirs in my head
Singing love will take us where
Something's beautiful

I've heard it in the silence
Seen it on a face
I've felt it in a long hour
Like a sweet embrace
I know this is true
It's calling out to me

It's the child on her wedding day
It's the daddy that gives her away--Father
Something beautiful
When we laugh so hard we cry
It's the love between you and I
Something beautiful

Something Beautiful by Newsboys

Ramblings

The last several updates have just been random moments I felt like sharing. Here's where I'm at right now. (:


One of my prayers has been that God will take me deeper into His heart. I want to learn more about what His love really is. I want to live inside of His heart.

Well, He's been answering this prayer in the most radical of ways.

The past six months have felt like years just because so much happened and I learned a lot. I've been learning about what it really means to love people with a hardcore and unexplainable love. I've learned that love can cover any wrongs and forgive with an unconditional forgiveness. I've seen love heal any anger or bitterness in my heart. Love goes beyond simply letting people do whatever they want - it sees real Life, and longs to give it. Love knows when to let go - this is one of the hardest things to learn. It doesn't do any good holding onto something or someone when you or they are being hurt because of it. Sometimes you have to let things go in order to pursue Life. Sometimes you need to let people go so that both you and they can live freely. Jesus came to give life, and to give it abundantly (John 10.10), love seeks to live this very life.

My favorite lessons have been that of learning God's beauty and joy. This life I have is beautiful. Because of God's love for me, I have no fear. He has given me the strength through His joy to walk confidently and boldly in His truth - and this is what I plan on doing. He has also taught me the beauty of His voice as He whispers to me in my quiet times. I love hearing what God has to say, and learning more about His character.

I think the hardest thing I had to learn is how to really trust God with no doubts. Watching people walk away from Him is the hardest thing I've ever seen.. but I know that He is bigger and His love and stronger than mine could ever be. I know that He doesn't let go of anyone, and He doesn't stop chasing us. He will not give up, even when we need to. He has taught me through times like these that He is still good, no matter what people decide to do. I can rest in Him knowing that He sees the bigger picture and He has a plan greater than I could ever imagine. All I need to do is let go and trust.

No one is more important to me than God. I can't live this life unless He's leading it. There's nothing else I want more.


I was talking with a friend of mine the other day and we were talking about how life is just good. This is how I feel right now - I'm just enjoying this life, and I'm really loving it! There's so many things that can get you down, but there's also a lot of beautiful, exciting and great things to focus on! These are the things I'm pursuing. I'm doing what I love, running towards my dreams and letting the chips fall where they may. Bad things happen and I still feel the hurt, but overall I'm just happy. I finally feel like I can breathe again. I finally feel like I can take it easy and chill in God's love and the life He's given me. I stay out of the drama and focus on standing strong in integrity and truth. This one is huge - because no one can hold anything against me if I'm consistent in how I live. I'm learning how to build others up instead of tearing them down. Life is simply rocking right now.


I'm totally excited for all the new things I'll be learning as this year carries on. So far it's been crazy - but good. I'm feeling hopeful for all the lessons and experiences in store. I'm ready to move on and finally live this life in love.

--Peace and Love.

1 Peter 3.2-5

"... when they see the purity and reverence of of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful."

This passage is beautiful to me. It just makes me think about how I want to honor God with my life - show His beauty and worship Him with it.

--Peace and Love.

His Joy Is My Strength

Meeting eyes with my enemy

seeing the dark and hallow holes

filled with lies of

how they are unworthy of Love.

My eyes are open doors

allowing the pain of the lost

to sink into my breaking heart

every broken piece falls with my tears

from my eyes and down my face

the dirt underneath me becomes mud

as I cry for the ones I love.

Tell me, God,

if heaven rejoices when the lost are found,

does it also mourn when yet another is lost?

Looking into the eyes of my persecutor

I break

because even he is worthy of my God's love

and no one is ever too far gone for Him.

This is where my heart rests in hope

drowning in His never ending joy and love

I can stand, 

I can finally breathe.

--Peace and Love.

Turn the Page

I smell it.

My bones can feel it.

My eyes see it like the sunrise

peeking over the horizon

it's coming.

The wilderness does not last forever

and You are taking me somewhere beautiful.

My scarred and dirty feet will soon step into

the lush, green earth.

My soul will fly

and I will touch with my finger

Beauty itself.

I will know how it feels, to sing

with vibrating lungs

the tunes, melodies and rhythms

of our song.

I will experience with my soul

the flowing and effortless movements

of our dance...

You are leading me to this place

this beautiful new chapter of my life.

I am my Beloved's, and He is mine...

--Peace and Love.

From the Desert Into Beauty

The fragrance of cherry blossoms fill my lungs wile intertwined with the warm, springtime breeze. All I hear is the wind blowing past my ears and through the branches above. Flower buds are still waiting to burst to life, and the single, chirping bird sings in tune with the quiet, afternoon lull.
Silence. Listen to that.
Pure silence.
It sounds like clear, blue ocean water flowing gently over the shore.
It's so beautiful,
Father, I want to yearn. I want to burn with passion for You. You are my love, You're my desire. The spring is here, my Lover, so come and dance with me. Take my hand, You lead and I will follow. Teach me the rhythm of our song. Sing me the melody. Let You love speak loudly. Let Your whisper be close to me, I want to hear Your voice.
I want Your beauty to be inhaled by my lungs with the sweet fragrance of cherry blossoms. I want to be enveloped by Your love like this warm, springtime breeze. I want to see Your face, with its soft eyes and gentle smile - yet filled with boldness and glory. I want to hear Your voice singing to my soul, our song.

You are my Beloved, and I am Yours...


Sing to me, the song of our love. Teach me the tune, lead me in the dance. Dance with me to our song.

You are the artist, and Yours is the masterpiece that is my life.


Blameless; spotless, I will run with my feet bare. In purity, faithfulness and love, I will run into the arms of my Lover.

My heart yearns for You, and Your desire is for me.

--Peace and Love.

Wrote this on April 13th, 2011

I walked out of one of the buildings on campus after just getting information about my major when I was shocked by large posters of aborted babies. I literally stood there in disbelief and disgust as I stared at the horrific scene in front of me. The posters stretched to probably ten feet high while the "pro-lifer's" stood behind a fence to protect them from the crowd that quickly gathered.

I walked around the display - looking for whoever was in charge and for different reactions of my fellow students. I soon saw the Atheist Club with a table set up opposing the opposition. I recognized one of them from the debate on abortion I attended just a few weeks before. I stood just close enough for him to hear me say, "This is so messed up."

I couldn't control my emotions - the anger, frustration and pure heartbreak for what these people were doing. My whole body was shaking. I had to talk to someone. I found one of the pro-lifer's talking to two guys on the other side of the fence, so I walked up and stood there, pretending to listen to them. "So what do you think of all this?" he asked me, and after gathering a few breaths I asked him why this was necessary. One of the guys answered that yeah, it's an awful thing to see, but maybe people need to see it in order for anything to change. "Are you a Christian?" I asked the pro-lifer. He told me he believed in God but he wasn't sure about the whole Jesus thing. I told him that I am a Christian and I believe Jesus is God and that I believe in everything He taught. I then told him about one of my favorite passages, which he was familiar with, found in John chapter eight verses one through eleven. It's the one about the adulteress woman who the pharisees wanted to stone but then asked Jesus what they should do. Jesus told them that whoever is without sin to throw the first stone, and each person left. Jesus, even though He could've condemned the woman because He's God, told the woman that He did not condemn her and that she should go and sin no more.

I told the pro-lifer that I felt like what he and the others with him were doing was exactly what the pharisees did. I asked him how this will change anyone's heart on the subject. I told him that it would be like someone following me around all day shouting all the wrong things I've ever done to everyone. I asked him how this was good news. As far as I could see it - what these people were doing was pointing the finger at people instead of pointing the Way to Jesus Christ through love.

I couldn't help but cry as we talked. I was so heartbroken over the whole thing. At one point I looked over at a young lady who was standing by the Atheist's table. She was looking at me and, I believe, listening to our conversation. What hit me the hardest though, was that she was crying. I looked around at all the other young women walking by. I couldn't help but feel brokenness for each one. All I could think about was, "What if one of these women has had an abortion? How must she be feeling?" I wanted to go around giving a hug to everyone in hopes of mending some of the obvious anger, hurt and brokenness surrounding the display.


This experience is one that I will not forget.
Jesus said blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons and daughters of God.
After walking away from the display, "peace" was all I was longing for.

I have to say - I am very pro-life. However, I think a large percentage of people who call themselves "pro-lifers" forget that pregnancy and related issues involve the woman, too. This is no black or white issue. But instead of telling everyone what they're doing or did wrong, why not show them solutions filled with hope, peace and love?

--Peace and Love.

Beautiful

I have a past.

It comes straight out of innocence and purity

childlike wonder and a love for life too big

for my mind.

My big heart made me stupid

so I threw my beautiful life away

in exchange for cheap love.

I held on to a hopeless dream

while it ate me away piece by piece

until any shred of innocence, any

hope of purity

was shattered. Dead. I died

holding on to a desperate plea

for love. It killed me.

But God wasn't done with me, and He

cares immensely about this huge heart of mine.

So He ran

God ran after me.

He chased me, pursued me

until I had no more energy left 

to runaway. He caught me

right in the middle of His love

but I fought it

for love died in me.

I fought so hard

beating and wrestling

trying to break free from His touch

but He never relented

so I gave in

defeated

I fell

on my face

before the feet of the King of Love

and He picked me up

like a child, He held me

and spoke tenderly of

His deep love for me, His daughter, His bride.

He restored my innocence

my purity renewed.

And God made me beautiful again

and gave me a wondrous future,

I have a past

that is just as broken and it is beautiful.

But I have a God

who makes a masterpiece of it all.

--Peace and Love.

Sermon on the Mount - Salt and Light

I remember the vision God showed me of a lamp post in the middle of complete darkness. It was standing tall, confidently with boldness, giving light to all the darkness around it. I asked God what this meant, and He started sharing with me about how He wants me to be like this lamp post.

Jesus said that by being His light we will show others our praise for Him by our good deeds. This means that we don't need to talk or preach all the time about our salvation or God's love. We can and should show it to people, as boldly as a lamp post in the midst of complete darkness does.

--Peace and Love.

Sermon on the Mount - The Beatitudes

God chooses to give the most to and bless those who are desperate for Him. These are the ones who hold the kingdom of God. These are the ones who see Him.

God wants the broken, the desperate, the hungry, the needy, the humble in His kingdom.

His kingdom - in all its glory and splendor - is found in the dirt, the mud, in all the lowest places on earth. It's found in the worst of all brothels. In the bush of Uganda. In the slums of the world. In the destruction after a disaster. In the desert, the wilderness, where there is no food or water. In the prisons of the persecuted martyrs. In the soil stained with innocent blood.

This is where His love and beauty shine.

It is there for anyone to take hold of, but to get there you have to lower yourself to these places. That's what Jesus did, all for love's sake.

--Peace and Love.